We live in a society that often highlights differences. Arguments and debates are a natural part of social life. However, rather than avoiding them, it is crucial to learn how to frame them as opportunities for growth and to enhance interpersonal relationships.
The hidden power of disagreement in the classroom
The word “disagreement” is often associated with unpleasant situations or negative emotions. Yet, it can also be linked to resilience, a capacity that we, as educators, know to be indispensable. Resilience does not mean simply enduring a difficult moment but rather learning to adapt and thrive in times of adversity. Since debates naturally arise in classrooms, it is essential to recognise the benefits of well-managed disagreements. Among these are:
• They help us understand different perspectives: disagreements invite us to examine a problem from multiple angles. A useful tool in this regard is Edward de Bono’s “six thinking hats” activity, which encourages people to mentally wear and switch between six different coloured hats, each representing a type of approach to the debated subject. The Pennsylvania resilience programme also champions a powerful phrase that encourages perspective and optimism: “A better way to look at this is ______.”
• They increase empathy: this goes beyond the familiar phrase “put yourself in someone else’s shoes.” Ask yourself “Do you truly know the person with whom you disagree?” Every perspective is shaped by history, context and lived experience. Allowing yourself to know the other person more deeply enables greater understanding, which makes it possible to come to an agreement.
• They strengthen self-confidence: sharing and defending one’s ideas respectfully is a clear sign of healthy self-esteem.
A study conducted by a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, demonstrated that groups with diverse opinions generated more creative solutions than those in which everyone agreed. This suggests that disagreement is not a problem but rather an opportunity we should actively cultivate.
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- Set your PhD students up with opportunities to debate and share
Three key techniques to share with students
1. Shift from “winning or losing” to “exploring.” A common mistake is to treat debates as something to be “won,” as if it were combat. Resilience is built when we move from “I am right” to “Help me understand your point of view.” Next time you disagree, try beginning with, “What do you see that I am not seeing?” Such a simple phrase can radically shift the tone of a debate.
2. Use pauses strategically. In any argument, emotions can easily take over. Practising mindful breathing helps regulate emotions while also giving the other person the opportunity to participate – reinforcing the sense that their voice matters. A practical breathing exercise to try with students is called “box breathing”. Sit comfortably in your chair with your back straight and your feet flat on the floor. Gently close your eyes (if you feel comfortable) and place one hand on your abdomen. Inhale through your nose for four seconds, feeling your abdomen expand. Hold the air in your lungs for four seconds. Slowly exhale through your mouth for four seconds. Keep your lungs free of air for four seconds. Repeat this cycle four times in a row.
3. Prioritise connection over persuasion. The goal of any debate goes beyond reaching an agreement; it also includes strengthening relationships and broadening perspectives. In your next conversation, focus on connecting with the other person rather than merely convincing them. Active listening is a fundamental tool for connecting with others. Instead of thinking, “What should I say next?” simply listen and inquire further into the other person’s experience.
Lessons from the classroom
In one of my classes, we were exploring emotional regulation and its connection to effective communication. I asked students to role-play “clumsy discussions” versus “virtuous discussions.” Their enactments of “clumsy discussions” involved uncontrolled emotions and power struggles, whereas the “virtuous discussions” incorporated the three key techniques outlined above. Watching them apply these strategies so naturally and effectively highlighted for me how small, targeted lessons can make a profound difference and equip students with lifelong skills.
In one of my courses, I invite students to debate real-life situations from different perspectives. The goal is not to determine a winner but to appreciate what students learn by listening to others.
Disagreements are inevitable in life. When understood as spaces to cultivate resilience, they become excellent opportunities for building both individual and collective well-being.
Elisa González is a counsellor and instructor at CETYS University.
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